Zen Moments

“Reach out! Take a chance! Get hurt maybe. But play as well as you can…”

MAUDE: Like a puff, Harold?

HAROLD: Well, I really don’t smoke.

MAUDE: It’s all right. It’s organic.

HAROLD: I sure am picking up on vices.

MAUDE: Vice? Virtue? It’s best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life – well then you are bound to live it fully.

HAROLD: I haven’t lived. I’ve died a few times.

MAUDE: What was that?

HAROLD: Well, the first time was when I was at boarding school in the Chemistry Lab. I was in there cleaning it up. So I thought I’d do a little experimenting. I got all this stuff out and began mixing it up. It was very scientific.

There was this massive explosion. It knocked me down. Blew out a huge hole in the the floor. There was boards and brick and flames leaping up. I figured, y’know, time to leave. My career in school was over. So I went home.

My mother was giving a party so I just went right up the back stairs to my room. Turned out  the light, and I got this funny feeling. Then the doorbell rang. I went out over to the banister and these two policemen came in, found my mother and told her that I was killed, in the fire.

And she put one hand up to her forehead. With the other she reached out,  groping for support. And with a long sigh – she collapsed in their arms.

I decided then, that I enjoyed being dead.

MAUDE: Yes. I understand. A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead really. They’re just backing away from life.

Reach out! Take a chance! Get hurt maybe. But play as well as you can.

Go team, go!

Give me an “L.”

Give me an “I.”

Give me a “V.”

Give me an “E.”

L-I-V-E – LIVE!!!!!

Otherwise you’ll have nothing to talk about in the locker room…

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From Wikipedia: Harold and Maude is a 1971 American comedy film directed by Hal Ashby. It incorporates elements of dark humor and existentialist drama, with a plot that revolves around the exploits of a young man intrigued with death, Harold (played by Bud Cort). Harold drifts away from the life that his detached mother prescribes for him, and develops a relationship with an elderly woman named Maude (played by Ruth Gordon).

The film is ranked number 45 on the American Film Institute’s list of 100 Funniest Movies of all Time, and was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress in 1997 for being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.” The film was a commercial flop in its original release, and critical reception was extremely mixed. However, it has since developed a large cult following.

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Harold and Maude

Directed by Hal Ashby

Amazon Video on demand ($9.99)
DVD version

Average Customer Review 4.7 out of 5 stars (356 Reviews)

A teenager with a death wish and a 79-year-old high on life find love in Hal Ashby’s cult black comedy. Deadpan rich boy Harold (Bud Cort) keeps staging elaborate suicide tableaux to get the attention of his mother (Vivian Pickles), but she keeps planning his brilliant future for him instead. Obsessed with the trappings of death, Harold freaks out his blind dates, modifies his new sports car to look like a mini-hearse, and attends funerals, where he meets the spirited Maude (Ruth Gordon). An eccentric to the core, Maude lives exactly as she pleases, with avid collecting and nude modeling among her many pursuits. To the disgust of Harold’s relatives and the befuddlement of Harold’s shrink, Harold falls in love with her. As lilting Cat Stevens tunes play on the soundtrack, Maude teaches Harold a valuable lesson about making the most of his time on earth.

Fantastic B. Emory (Wilmington NC)
I had heard about this movie through friends but was never impressed by the story. A reclusive anti-social kid who befriends and falls in love with an elderly (though young at heart) eccentric. I wrote it off completely until I saw a bit of it on television and thought it was hilarious and as it turns out I rented the movie and was extremely hooked. Harold is a rich kid with a high strung, selfish mother who tries anything to find a suitor for him, in turn Harold escapes from his home to overshadow funeral processions and memorials. At a number of these events, Maude is in attendance and she lights up the scene with her off the wall, and positively upbeat personality that horrifies and amuses Harold. After a while they become unlikely friends. Maude helps Harold live a little and in turn he develops true affection to Maude. With Ruth Gordon’s charm and incredible acting abilities, and Cat Steven’s classy soundtrack, its not hard to find yourself feeling happy and free after the movie is over. It really teaches you a message about being your own person and enjoying life.

For more information about “Harold and Maude” visit the Internet Movie Database (IMDb)

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I lost twin babies to death at a few days of age.
That was forty years ago.
The circumstances of the time prevented my expression of grief
until I recently found catharsis in the writing of the poem below.

THE SMILES

Tomorrow will be another day, some told me, to offer solace or new hope
As though tomorrow’s sun would change what now had come to be
And let our lives be started over in some better time or place

But I knew that could not be, that starting over
For time is not a magic balm that proves soothing to a wounded soul
And the passing of a day, a month, a year could mean nothing to me then

My loss, I thought, was far too great, unnatural in its scope
Something even nature must abhor, for it disrupts the flow of time
It stops natural passage from generations past to generations yet to come

For, you see, I had lost a child to coldest death, and not just one but two
Twins girls, perfect in form but premature by far too much to survive for long
And unexpected too, we had known about and prepared for only one

The first delivered with a lusty cry for one so small, but why so small
The mother’s belly’s girth had promised much larger fruit
But then the twin appeared, crying as in competition with the first

Too small, too small I thought, too small by half, too small for all but death
For death, and hope of course, never too small for hope I thought
We’d won the prize, two brass rings; nature could not take them back

I held each in my arms, or rather in a single hand where they fit so well
Each grabbed my smallest finger in a tiny hand
Perhaps they smiled, but I cannot say for sure

But nature would take them, the first at two, the second at three days
Tomorrow is another day, some had told me, oh yes, another day for death
I was helpless; there was nothing to be done

But the doctors, their knowledge and machines had missed the twinning
But now they had a plan, we’ll save them with some more machines
Or was it like machines. You bastards, I said, just let them die in peace

And that is exactly what they did, they died, in peace or not I cannot know
Brains too small, too soft yet to hold a thought
Did they know peace? Could they smile? Did they even know they lived?

What does one do now; bury those tiny things in a world far too big for them
It would be such a lonely place for them, are coffins even made so small
No, return them to ash from which they came, warm like mother’s womb

And then that doctor, not the earlier ones who had failed at their craft
But the chief among them, the one who must hold them all to some account
He called me to his office to discuss the situation, how impersonal was that

To him, babies are happy crying things but, when dead, they’re situations
To be explained away in some way that protects the doctors’ god-like status
I knew that man; the building where our babies died was named for him

How could you be so heartless, he started, killing babies that you sired
It’s all your fault, he told me then, we could have saved them but for you
You would not let us try all our fancy tricks, and now they’re dead.

There was nothing I could say
There was nothing I could do
I couldn’t even cry, not then at least

And all those another days they came and went and nothing really changed
I remembered details less and less, but somehow the babies grew in time
And kept apace with the living world in my mind

On occasion I would see them, first steps, first words, first days in school
First scrapes upon their knees from falling, first kiss, graduation, marriage
Beautiful women they came to be in the fullness of their lives.

And finally, one day, they turned to me and smiled, babies in their arms
And when the babies smiled too my sorrow fell away
There came then a flood of tears and tomorrow became a better day

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by Larry Welling, MD, Ph.D.
Larry writes “I was a Professor of Pathology at the University of Kansas and the Kansas City VA Hospital for nearly 30 years before I retired with my own cancer. I’m now 12 years out without recurrence after surgery, radiation, and chemo that nearly killed me (another story yet untold).”
More of Larry’s poetry can be found at www.Triond.com.
Kindly contributed to Zen Moments by the author
Photo: Delicate Fingers by Chiceaux  Lynch

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Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby

By Deborah L. Davis

Average customer review:

The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects thousands of U.S. families every year. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart offers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair after such tragedy. Deborah Davis encourages grieving and makes suggestions for coping. The book includes information on issues such as the death of one or more babies from a multiple birth, pregnancy interruption, and the questioning of aggressive medical intervention. There is also a special chapter for fathers as well as a chapter on “protective parenting” to help anxious parents enjoy their precious living children. Doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, and other support persons can gain special insight. Most importantly, parents facing the death of a baby will find necessary support in this gentle guide. If reading this book moves you to cry, try to accept this reaction. Your tears merge with those of other grieving parents. You are not alone!

Best book that I’ve read
Out of the dozens of books I read after losing my daughter prematurely, this was the one book that i couldn’t put down till it was finished. It was so helpful to me and to my husband. It was nice reading other people’s experiences too. I found this book so helpful that i will be donating copies to the hospital where our daughter was born so other grieving parents can have a copy of their own. It’s a wonderful book…

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